tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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