Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
