I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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