Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
and she was petting her beer can
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
