At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
