i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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