Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
