people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
