Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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