lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
