My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
