Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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