He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
