u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
