i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
