Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
