ugly people sure do ruin things
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
