oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
