Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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