I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
