Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
