I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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