ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
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