i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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