i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
