Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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