it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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