I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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