this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize