We should be called the Road Head Warriors
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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