Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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