I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
