well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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