No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
420 ftw
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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