he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
