I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Terrible idea I love it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
