there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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