i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
