Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
