Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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