i was born a porn star she said
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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