Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
