How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
