Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
