come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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