Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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