I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
