She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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