i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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