i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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