please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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