Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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