Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
