Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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