you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
