My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
